Understanding the Male Attitude towards Divorce

When Chet mentioned he had a 'problem' I suspected he'd want a divorce. The question: how much did he want it?

Unless it's an adultery thing on herside, men don't care much whether or not they are divorced. It's their subsequent girlfriends who care.

A man will let years, decades, role by until his current girlfriend is pregnant or putting terrific pressure on him to marry her.

One can tell the guy who really wants to get divorced. He comes to a lawyer's office. He comes with money. He pays most of the fees if not all. Then is constantly phoning;
"Is it ready, yet?"

The guy who btw mentions it at some cocktail party, isn't interested.

I listened to Chet, and made my 'ticks' and wasn't wrong.

Months passed.

I got nothing from Chet; not a document, not a dollar.
Then, a copy of his marriage certificate arrived.

I made a rough draft of a divorce petition and emailed it for Chet to fill in the blanks.
Months passed.

As we drifted in the same circles I saw his current girlfriend.

There are some men who splash through their teens and twenties as 'all that'. Good looking, clever, 'cool' if the term still has meaning.

These men gravitate towards the best looking women in the room, blind to any female who couldn't walk a runway.

Some men don't hit their prime until their thirties.

They've spent their lives talking to the 'what's left' because they wouldn't dare approach a half way pretty girl for fear of rejection.

These late bloomers don't immediately realise how striking they have become.

Chet was one of those who had just come into his own and was just beginning to appreciate that he was far more than he'd thought and his current girlfriend belonged to his past.

Chet was involved with a woman who resembled the Pillsbury Dough Boy. She had money, she had position, and for the 'old' Chet, she was the best he could do.

But the 'New" Chet was someone who could walk up the prettiest girl in the room and she'd smile.

He hadn't bothered divorce his first wife, although they'd been apart over seven years, because there was no reason. Now, as his new woman was pregnant, pressuring him to divorce Number One, he made lame attempts.

As long as he was married he couldn't marry Ms Doughboy, and he didn't want to marry Ms. Doughboy.

Yes, he liked her money, he liked her position, he even liked the baby she bore him, but to marry her now, to settle on her now when he might be able to get a woman who was 'all that' caused him to pause.

Ms. Doughboy, tired of the delays, now approaches. She will pay for the Divorce, handing over a wad of cash. Hence the 'draft' becomes an actual document that Chet must have served on his current wife.

How long he will take to serve this document might alert Ms. Doughboy that he doesn't want to marry her. That is, if she is able to recognise that although she may love him, he does not love her.

Of course, with a toddler to mind she might think marriage is necessary and force Chet to go through with the divorce. Or, she might appreciate that although he will take her money and enjoy the rarefied environment she introduced him too, he doesn't want to be with her.

When a couple separates and neither moves for Divorce the question is 'Why?'

Inaction of the parties suggests that there is no impetus to dissolve the marriage. As years pass and neither makes an effort, it is a flag that neither sees the reason to sever ties.

It is not so much the idea of reconciliation, it is the desire NOT to be in a position to remarry. Having the 'status' of marriage without the marriage.

Women who get involved with men who have neglected to divorce their wives have gotten involved with man who has no intention of marrying again.

These men like the 'protection' of marriage so that any woman is the 'Other' who dates them with that 'impediment'.

If a woman is interested in a fling or a part time lover or a hook up, he is perfect. But falling in love with such a man is contraindicated. He doesn't want to get married again. He likes not being able to get married.

Hence Chet doesn't want to marry Ms. Doughboy.

If she pays for the Divorce and forces him to get it, she will have to pay for the wedding and then, her own divorce when it becomes clear that he has no intention of being a husband.